Voices in the head

Does it ever happen to you that you hear other people's voices in your head? Like you carry those people inside you?

Seriously. Sometimes, when i'm wondering about a situation, or experiencing something particularly intense, or when i have to take a decision, i can distinctly hear what such-and-such friend or relative would say about it. I don't call them, either. Their opinions just pop up and vanish, and i'm left with that nice feeling one gets after a surprise. Yeah, i'm thrilled by the unexpectedness of it, because sometimes i totally disagree with what they say. I would argue with them about it, but they're gone before i can grab them.

This morning, while i was freezing at the busstop, my grandma, dead 11 years, told me i should have put on a scarf. Just like that, out of the blue -- or the grey, as it was actually very overcast and snowing. Then zap!, she was gone, and i realized i couldn't even remember how her voice really sounded. She used to fuzz about our clothing like that, when we were kids. I hadn't thought about her in a while.

It'd be nice to think that we carry inside at least pieces of the people who are or have been close to us. Whether we got along or not. Of course, my skeptical mind says that when i hear these voices, i'm simply having my brain play a game, assigning identities to my own points of view, for one reason or another. I'm very fond of my skeptical mind, and trust her a lot.

Yet, i like the poetry of the other image, the possibilities it opens. If i have people in my head, then maybe i'm in other's people's heads, too... Even inside the head of the people inside my head... And the me inside the heads of the people inside my head has other people inside his head, and it's all like a matrioshka doll, except that instead of dolls people's heads hold universes within themselves.

If i could communicate at will with the people inside my head, they might tell me "look, i don't have time to argue with you, i have all these people inside my head i need to talk to". As it is, i just catch glimpses of their interiors, and that's why thankfully there's also a universe outside of our heads, with people i can talk to and get near to and love... And yet be as far from knowing their internal universes as i am from knowing my own. On the other hand, if i didn't know them at least a little, i wouldn't be able to imagine what they would say in my head, which is heartening.

Got to go to norwegian class. Don't bother to call the insane asylum, as i already did. They're reinforcing their straight jackets, and coming for me this evening.