Gay-spray bomb... yeah!

Marko just wrote to tell me about the "gay-spray bomb" someone at the Pentagon thought of building a few years ago. You can read all about it on
http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/em/fr/-/2/hi/americas/4174519.stm

It all came to light thanks to the The Sunshine Project
( http://www.sunshine-project.org/ ), an activist organization that works against the hostile use of biotechnology. It demanded, under the protection of the american Freedom of Information Act, that a 1994 document produced by the aforementioned military entity be made public.

Anyways, it turns out there is, in this very bellicose and polygonal organization, a division for the planning and development of non-lethal weapons. Some of the brilliant ideas it's considered in the past include: halitosis or fart inducing drugs that would make it difficult for those fighters affected to work together or blend in with the rest of the population; chemicals that would make people's skins extremely light-sensitive, thus effectively preventing them from fighting in daylight; pheromones that would attract insect or rodent pests towards the enemy and attack him... And a long etcetera, i'm sure.

"Hundreds!" i just read one of the Pentagon honchos said. He affirms none of the ideas in that 1994 document have been commissioned, and that in fact the one about the gay bomb was only a proposal that emerged at a brainstorming session.

That changes everything, of course!

I'm thinking of starting a petition. Giving these bonkers the hard time they deserve, you know? I mean, really! Ask yourself: how is it that the one time these military types have a good idea, they don't go ahead and put it into practice? Because of course, if one side were capable of developing a queerness-spraying bomb, surely the other side would also get the recipe, sooner or later... And then there'd be war no more! Just as African spirituals and John Lennon have been telling us we must do all along.

Imagine: Mike and Abdul (since Vladimir is oh! so out of fashion) are shooting at each other. They avoid bullets by hiding behind rocks and tree trunks, but the fire is so intense it chips away at all surfaces, and Abdul and Mike have less and less room in which to hide. Not even Keanu Reeves and that Moss chick would be able to get out of this one if things keep going. But then a plane flies overhead, unnoticed in the chaos, and all of a sudden, M. & A. feel cool, tiny droplets land on their hot, parched skins... and then their blood starts to boil!

In the nick of time, when the rock has become too small to conceal all of Abdul, Mike notices his soulful, dark eyes and wavy hair coming out in ringlets from under his pancake hat; by the time the tree is about to crack in two, Abdul can't take his eyes off Mike's blond, hairy pecs and buns of steel. They're aiming at each other no more. Yet, in a different fashion, we realize they are!

They start slowly walking towards each other, diffidently at first, as if in a strange waltz. Suddenly Mike breaks into a trot, unable to check himself, and Abdul finally allows his heart to believe Mike is not an enemy any longer. This is more than sexual attraction, he realizes; it's real love!

He runs wildly towards Mike -- then unexpectedly stops -- and picks the last surviving daisy off the devastated field before taking flight again, joyously. The curtain on the history of human violence comes down then, the camera panning out to show that the image of Mike and Abdul, falling into each others' arms and kissing passionately, is being repeated endlessly across the plain by thousands and thousands of soldiers... who will now have to change profession.

Some will become hairdressers: as a result of having lived so many years under the tyranny of the crew cut, a sizable part of them will be unable to adapt and end up making a living as male prostitutes and/or peddlers of child pornography; the others, reveling at the sudden freedom, will thrive, move to Paris and dominate henceforth the world of Haute Coiffure.

Sigh! We must always come back to the real world, though. Unfortunately for us all, the people at the Pentagon are smarter than they seem. A few of them might propose a gay bomb at a brainstorming session, but they would never go ahead with it. To them, no more war would mean no more work.

And who would want them as hairdressers?