Eddy

Where could my friend Eddy Roja be? We met at Mac during my freshman year, in the fall of 95; he was my sophomore. There was this senior girl, Heather Something-or-Other, who kept dropping by while i was at work, and Eddy was usually with her.

Every day, from 7 to 9 pm, i sold tampons, candy, shampoo and stay-awake pills at the campus store in the student union. Eddy and Heather would arrive very soon after me, install themselves on the other side of the counter, start chatting, and not leave till my shift ended. Heather started hitting on me from the first day, so i very casually let it be know, that same day, that i was gay. I even remember how i did it: when the topic of roommates came up, i told them about mine, and this little drinking game i'd played with him and a few other first years on the first day of the term.

Basically, the story went like this: after one of the ice-breaker games for new students, a bunch of 4 or 5 of us boys and one girl found ourselves waiting for dinner with nothing to do. Since by this time everybody knew i was 21 and could therefore buy alcohol, Ben -my roommate- asked me to go to the liquor store and get some beer to play a drinking game. Ben had his own ideas about ice-breaking and, though i didn't have much experience with drinking games, i still remembered the one i'd played with some highschool friends in Uruguay, and heck, that had been fun. Besides, Ben was paying, so I did go to the store and we all ended up at someone's room.

The game was a silly one called "Who has...?". Basically we all sat in a circle and someone asked a question starting with the words "Who has", like "Who has been to New York City?". If you had indeed done what this person asked, you had to drink.

Although the questions started innocent enough, they soon became of a sexual tenor. I personally went for tepid stuff, things i thought might make me one of the guys without offending Zenia. I was really starting to worry about how she'd feel being there; they'd already gotten out of her that she was a virgin. Of course, my idea of what makes you be one of the guys have always been skewed by my gayness, so i spat out, after some frenetic thinking, bull like "who's been in a relationship for over a year?". Of course, the guys just groaned and, once more, only Genia drank.

Finally poor Ben asked "Who has sucked cock?" and Genia and i both drank, to the hilarity of everyone but Ben, who was in shock. It took him a while to get over it... months. Actually, i don't think he ever did. He later told me his distrust of me came from this story his brother had told him, about a gay guy somewhere drugging his roommate every night and fucking his ass. So Ben kept coming back from the showers and getting dressed without taking his towel off.

Anyway, that's another story.

Heather and Eddy laughed a lot at this, but she still kept hitting on me every time, and did most of the talking. Once she told me how most American college students had some savings put away for when they stopped studying and had to start living without their parents support. This scared me. Of course, i had nothing.

Nevertheless, it was with Eddy that we got closer and closer. We started hanging together a lot, going to the movies, having meals and visiting each other in our rooms.

One night he slipped a note under my door. I think i still have it, somewhere. Let me see...

Yes, I was looking through my old paper mail, and here it is (in translation, of course):

"Marino,

I'm half drunk right now, so maybe i'll hate myself for this (besides, it's not the best way to say such a thing, and it's probable i'll regret it later), but i have to say i really like you quite a bit and would like to know what you think about it. Tell me when i see you, or send me e-mail or call me on the phone (x7105) or whatever (i would prefer it to be personally).
So, see you,

Eddy Roja"

By this time I'd also come to care for him more than quite a bit, but my feelings were not romantic. Or, rather, they were not physical (if that's the definition of romance: affection plus physical passion). I didn't feel sexually attracted by Eddy's body. I don't remember how i did it or where we were, but i conveyed the essence of these feelings to him. I know i wounded him, yet the fear was mine, that i would lose our friendship. We didn't, somehow.

We did have our hard times, though; he was in a bad mood sometimes, or tried to put distance between us. I myself was constantly aware of the fine balance i felt i had to keep, between not hurting him further and demonstrating to him how much i really cared.

In any case, we managed to keep going for four years. He graduated and started to work in the Twin Cities, while i stayed at Mac one more year. Then i moved to Pennsylvania, and he to Texas... We kept in touch for a few more years after that, exchanging these long e-mails where we would discuss the minimum details of our day-to-day. I don't know how, but we got into starting our letters with greetings like "Hello, Emailloopoopeddy" and he'd reply "Hi, Martiansiblearhino". But now it's been perhaps a year since i last heard from him.

I've never had another friend i could communicate with like we did. I could tell Eddy anything and everything. I tried phoning him the other day, tried several different numbers, but none is his.